Let’s talk about this…
I’ve seen it with my own eyes, more than once. The devastation forced upon family, friends, and community on what should have been a normal regular day. People going about their normal routines, oblivious to what has just happened until they get that sudden phone call, text message or knock on the door. Their world is about to be blown apart. They were, perhaps, just enjoying a cup of tea on the sofa, not thinking about anything too heavy. That little luxury about to be torn away.
You’re still in the game…
I’ve been there too (suicidal thoughts), no need to elaborate. These days I tell myself that we’ll all be gone soon enough anyway. We’ll be dust for eternity and if we had any capacity to think after we’re gone, I’ve no doubt we would beg to live and breath again, to have one more chance to get things right. Those of us still around, get another chance every single day, a special gift, an enormous gift. A chance to have another go at life.
No matter where your starting point is right now, it’s a whole lot better than being dead for eternity. You’re still in the game, play it with everything you have.
I know that emotions are a killer. These destructive emotions that cause us so much pain and drive us to think that suicide is a way out, a relief from pain. Well, pulling the plug may make the pain go away, but it means that you have to go away too. Where’s the sense in that? You are not your pain or your emotions. These things don’t define you as a person. You can work on difficult emotions and pain without erasing yourself too.If you work hard enough, you’ll eventually be left with the real you, the pure you, the beautiful you. I know it’s not easy but it’s doable, I wrestle with it every day – hence the name of this blog.
My advice is to take time before you sleep tonight (or right now if you want) and get it all out. Write it all down in a notepad. Every single last thing that’s on your mind. Write about your emotions and pain in detail. Spill it all out on to the pages – everything. Keep writing until you have nothing left within yourself to explore.
A few points to explore…
- Question yourself on things that aren’t entirely clear. Why do I think this way? What’s causing these emotions? Am I doing the right thing? What can I do differently? Expel it all until you are exhausted.
- Write about the people who you believe cause you suffering (nobody can actually cause you suffering, by the way, it all comes from your reactions to life, something I’ll write about in the near future).Write to them. You won’t be showing them, so get it all out.
- Also, write a section on what you would miss most about life if you did commit suicide. Pour your heart into this.
- Review it. Look at it. Try to make sense of it all. Ask yourself, how do I feel now?
Take a breather, and move on…
Hopefully, you’re ready to have a good sleep and have a clear mind with all that crap out of your head and on the pages. Burn it all the next day if you want, do whatever you want with it.
Start making small steps towards a better life from here on in. Know that it won’t be easy, don’t expect it to be easy. Make an agreement with yourself to play this game. To take part in this tragedy of life with strength and courage, and laugh at it.
And finally, take look at the picture below.
You’ll be dead a long time…
The painting above is called “Still Life with a Skull” by the French painter Philippe de Champaigne (wiki). It represents the fleetingness of life. The tulip represents life, the hourglass is time, and the skull, you guessed correctly, is death.
I’ve been staring at this one recently. It fascinates me. The tulip is alive and fragile, it will die out before long – I have an image of one of the leaves falling off. The sands of time are slipping away and can’t be stopped until it eventually runs out. And the skull, it totally dominates the picture. It is still and overrides everything. And rightly so, because this is how we will be for an eternity after we die. As time goes by, our time spent alive becomes infinitely small compared to our time being dead. It’s such a cliché but life really is short and you can’t deny it. Why throw it away?
I hope this has given you something to consider. A lot of advice out there will tell you to seek help and talk to people and I absolutely agree, do that as soon as possible. But, all the help in the world might not be enough if you don’t reach inside yourself and tackle those issues, this is ultimately a solo battle. There’s plenty of support out there for you too; Youtube videos, books, meditation techniques, apps, and blogs like this one of course. I’ll be sharing, writing about, and exploring all of these methods on this blog frequently.
Thanks for reading.
Hi, my name is Conor and I started this blog to begin a journey of personal development. It would be a pleasure to have you join me. And an even greater pleasure to assist you on your own journey too.